happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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