There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
