She's JV to your varsity
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
