Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
