She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
