All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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