you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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