omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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