Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
