I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
