My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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