Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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