We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You were trust falling into bushes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
