I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
