FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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