yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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