Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
