yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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