That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
