Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
