He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
