dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm too high and old for this...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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