Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
