Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
