i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Life is so much better after having sex.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
