the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
