dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
