Already got asked if we're dating
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
