I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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