Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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