you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
