well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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