I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
