i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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