So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize