Old men and throwing up are my life now.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
