NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
