This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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