I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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