I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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