dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
