dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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