Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
