Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
