and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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