Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
pop tarts are not kleenex
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize