Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
