So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
