There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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