I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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