Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
