Well douche your snatch and let's go!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
