sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
