Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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