are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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