He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
