She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize