I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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