Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
