I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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