Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
