i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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