I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
