i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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