I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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