So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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