i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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