Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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