your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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