that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
