maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize