how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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