You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
