So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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