I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
