I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize