What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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