dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
